Good Enough
by MsBigBad
Summary: AU after "Seeing Red" Spike overhears a prophecy concerning the chosen one he must leave Africa and the 15 years he's spent there behind to save the only woman he's ever really loved.
1. Prolouge

**__**

Good Enough

**_By MsBigBad_**

**__**

Prologue

Disclaimer: I don't own Buffy or any of the characters from the show. They belong to UPN, FOX, Mutant Enemy, and the wonderfully talented Joss Wheedon whom I love and adore! I'm just using them for some entertainment cause I'm an obsessed freak! Any original characters belong to me and **may not** be used w/o my permission. (I'd be happy to let you borrow but please no stealing!) Series title belongs to Sarah Mc Glaghlan, and is used w/o permission. Any quotes and/or poems will be disclaimed in the text. Flashbacks are in italics.

****

Ships: Spike/Buffy, Xander/Anya, Willow/Tara, Wesley/Cordelia, Gunn/Fred, Clem/Lorne, and Connor/Dawn.

****

Spoilers: Through "Seeing Red" on Buffy and " " on Angel.

****

Summary: After overhearing a prophecy concerning the chosen one, Spike decides to return to Sunnydale leaving Africa and the 15 years he's spent there behind.

****

Note: From the time of "Seeing Red" and " " this story is A/U. Which means there was no death of Tara, No nicely boxed Angel at the bottom of the ocean, no vainy Willow, and absolutely no flaying of Warren! If you want to know what has replaced that part I suggest you read my _timeline_.

****

Feedback: Please! I'd love to know what you think! You can reach me at .

****

Thanks: I want to thank my best friend Lauren for always believing in me and for giving me this little obsession! You are what keeps me alive! I've never had such a good friend that I could laugh and cry with till it hurt! And of course have long LOTR discussions and kinky fantasies of parts (he, he, he!) of the fellowship. You know what I mean I need to stop now cause then they'll be reading this for too long to even think about reading the story! I want to also thank my other friend Heather for wanting to read my stuff and for making me laugh enough to forget some of the angst in my stories! To everyone who archives/reviews my fics! I'm soo grateful for all you've done! Of course I need to thank Joss and his crew of talented writers, producers, directors, actors, and special behind the scenes guys! Thank you guys so much for the 2 best TV shows ever in existence! Really wanna thank James Marsters for being my snowman! (Don't worry if you don't get that! It's a seriously disturbing inside joke!) I love James! Good luck in everything that you do. And I really wanna thank you for reading my fic! Especially if you read through all this nonsense and bonus points if you actually pondered the snowman thing! (Seriously just let it go! It'll drive you insane and your head will explode! Yuck!) Lot's of luvs! Enjoy! Mwahhh!

I lov'd-but those I lov'd are gone;

Had friends-my early friends are fled.

How cheerless feels the heart alone,

When all its former hopes are dead!

Though gay companions o'er the bowl

Dispel awhile the sense of ill;

Though pleasure stirs the maddening soul,

The heart-the heart-is lonely still.

--George Noel Gordon

The smoke of his cigarette slowly wafts through the ill lit bar. A big brawly demon with several horns covering his body and fiery red eyes comes in. He sits down at one of the tables and orders a drink. A few minutes later a second demon walks in and pulls up a chair beside him.

"You got it?" The first demon asks.

"Right here." The second says patting a small leather bag at his side.

"Well, let's see it then!"

"Shh. Not here." The other says shaking his head.

The man takes one last draw from his fag before crushing it under his heavy boot. He watches as the demons go into the alleyway. He follows cautiously.

"Jarabica imported this from America. Wasn't made there I suppose."

"No. Americans prefer foreign things. Why should this be any different?" The demon opens the bag. He pulls out a round orb-like object. The man continues to watch them, curious to what they are up to. The demons set the orb on the ground as the wind kicks up and blue light dispels from it. A young woman appears out of the light. Her voice is solemn and echoes off the alley walls.

"She who is chosen to live in the night,

Shall dance with death and lose the fight.

When the tides of love bash her against the cliffs,

She'll give it all up.

She'll lose her defense.

She cherishes and keeps the secret soul of a thief,

And he forevermore shall seek to find her.

And from beneath the deep where evil sleeps,

Children will cry and mothers, weep.

When the past is undone and the battle is won,

So shall pass the chosen one."

He's heard enough. He draws a sword from his pack and quickly beheads the demons. He grabs the orb, closes it, and heads back to his flat.

He jiggles the key and the door finally opens. He throws his pack on the lumpy couch and kneels on the floor. He opens the orb. Papers fly around the room and the blue light from the alley is back. The woman appears again also.

"She who is chosen…"

The sun has been up for a few hours but still he sits in the same place.

"and the battle's won. So shall pass the chosen one." The woman finishes.

"So shall pass the chosen one." He repeats.

"Buffy."

A name he hadn't spoken in years.

A person he could never forget no matter how many years went by.

__

"I'm gonna make you feel it. -- C'mon. Let yourself love me."

"Ask me again why I could never love you."

He throws the orb against the hard brick wall; it clatters to the floor. He grabs his leather duster and fills his pack with a few choice swords and one crossbow with quills. He walks over to the window. Rain clouds are moving in. It seems to rain a lot lately and it isn't even monsoon season yet. He picks up the orb and stashes it away once more. He rushes out of his flat slamming the door so hard that a picture falls from the wall. It shatters.

"Bollicks!"

He opens the door again and takes the picture out of the frame. He closes the door and shoves the picture of Joyce, Dawn, and Buffy into the breast pocket of his duster. As he reaches the front desk Joe, the landlord, asks him.

"Where are you goin' in such a hurry?"

"The states. I'll be back in a few days. Don't you rent out my room like you did last time! I mean it Joe! I'll kick your ass!" He warns pointing his fingers at the tiny man.

"Hey, hey! That was just a misunderstanding!"

Spike gives him a cynical look.

"And you were gone for a whole 6 months!" Joe shot back.

"It was 4 and I was paid up for 10 so don't give me that bullshit!"

"Alright, alright it'll be here when you get back." He says reluctantly.

Spike walks through the front door and out into the street headed for the airport.

"If you get back." Joe chuckles to himself.

Continued in Part 1 of _Good Enough_ - _Time Changes Everything_


	2. Time Changes Everything

**__**

Good Enough

**_By MsBigBad_**

**__**

Chapter 1: Time Changes Everything

Disclaimer: I don't own Buffy or any of the characters from the show. They belong to UPN, FOX, Mutant Enemy, and the wonderfully talented Joss Wheedon whom I love and adore! I'm just using them for some entertainment cause I'm an obsessed freak! Any original characters belong to me and **may not** be used w/o my permission. (I'd be happy to let you borrow but please no stealing!) Series title belongs to Sarah Mc Glaghlan, and is used w/o permission. Any quotes and/or poems will be disclaimed in the text. Flashbacks are in italics.

****

Ships: Spike/Buffy, Xander/Anya, Willow/Tara, Wesley/Cordelia, Gunn/Fred, Clem/Lorne, and Connor/Dawn.

****

Spoilers: Through "Seeing Red" on Buffy and " " on Angel.

****

Summary: After overhearing a prophecy concerning the chosen one, Spike decides to return to Sunnydale leaving Africa and the 15 years he's spent there behind.

****

Note: From the time of "Seeing Red" and " " this story is A/U. Which means there was no death of Tara, No nicely boxed Angel at the bottom of the ocean, no vainy Willow, and absolutely no flaying of Warren! If you want to know what has replaced that part I suggest you read my _timeline_.

****

Feedback: Please! I'd love to know what you think! You can reach me at .

****

Thanks: I want to thank my best friend Lauren for always believing in me and for giving me this little obsession! You are what keeps me alive! I've never had such a good friend that I could laugh and cry with till it hurt! And of course have long LOTR discussions and kinky fantasies of parts (he, he, he!) of the fellowship. You know what I mean I need to stop now cause then they'll be reading this for too long to even think about reading the story! I want to also thank my other friend Heather for wanting to read my stuff and for making me laugh enough to forget some of the angst in my stories! To everyone who archives/reviews my fics! I'm soo grateful for all you've done! Of course I need to thank Joss and his crew of talented writers, producers, directors, actors, and special behind the scenes guys! Thank you guys so much for the 2 best TV shows ever in existence! Really wanna thank James Marsters for being my snowman! (Don't worry if you don't get that! It's a seriously disturbing inside joke!) I love James! Good luck in everything that you do. And I really wanna thank you for reading my fic! Especially if you read through all this nonsense and bonus points if you actually pondered the snowman thing! (Seriously just let it go! It'll drive you insane and your head will explode! Yuck!) Lot's of luvs! Enjoy! Mwahhh!

__

Whisper whisper whisper whisper

Whisper whisper whisper whisper

I hear the sound of the ticking of clocks

Who remembers your face

Who remembers you when you are gone

When he comes through the gate of the Sunnydale Memorial Airport there is no one to greet him, but then again no one knew he was coming. He'd had no communication with anyone from the hellmouth since Tara had come to the village 6 years ago. She was pleasant and asked how he was doing and where he was staying. He inquired about Willow and she told him about their move to France. But then everything fell apart.

__

"S' the nibblet flourishin' in society?" He laughs as if the thought is somewhat bizarre.

"Oh. – You… you don't know do you?" She asks.

"Know what?" He looks concerned and a bit worried when he sees the pain on her face.

"Dawn…Dawn died almost 5 years ago." She explains as a tear runs down her cheek.

He is so confused.

"And, and Giles too." She sniffles..

He looks as if he's gonna be sick. "How?"

"Giles got a call from someone in South America. They wanted him to study some sort of demony things. While he was gone someone murdered him. The council hired a hitman. Buffy found out of course and there was a battle. Dawn was shot in the head. The doctors say she died instantly." She explains.

He hears what she's saying but somehow it doesn't register. Not Dawn. Not her. She was too young to die. She had too much going for her. And the watcher. How could this happen? He slides to the floor grasping his leather coat about him.

"Are you okay?" Tara asks him putting her hand on his shoulder.

He turns his head away.

"Just go. Please just—go."

"I'm sorry." She tells him before leaving him there.

Alone.

__

I hear the sound of the ticking of clocks

Come back and look for me

Look for me when I am lost

Just a whisper whisper whisper

Just a whisper whisper whisper

He slowly walks toward 1320 Revello Drive. It's raining even here. His reflection is non-existent in the puddles he splashes through. Most of the lights are on at the Summer's house as he approaches. It's strange he can usually smell her by now. He decides that knocking on the front door with a prophecy that says she's gonna die is really not the singin' telegraph she's hopin' for, so he moves to the window to pick-up on an old habit.

__

"Spike, what are you doing here?"

"I was just…"

"In five words or less."

"Out—for—a—walk-- --- bitch."

There are no familiar faces inside the living room. Only strangers and stranger's things.

"Right, 15 years why would she live in the same place? So where could she be?"

He takes a moment away from talking to himself to think.

"Saturday night," He looks at the purple horizon. "Not late enough for patrol."

__

Night turns to day and I still have these questions

Bridges will break

Should I go forwards or backwards

The security guard at the door looks at him strangely. Maybe he **should** think about changin' the hair. There is a huge crowd all dancing to "I Want Your Sex" by George Michael.

__

"Must be retro night. Gotta love the classics." He thinks to himself.

He skims the crowd for the petite blonde he knows so well, but there's no sign of her.

No sign of any females actually. Well unless you count that one guy in the dress and the other guy in the dress. He backs away slowly until he collides with a barstool.

"Careful there ya blond beefcake!" The bartender warns.

He looks at him with disgust. "Yeah, right."

He starts toward the door but is grabbed by the arm and pulled backward.

"Hey wait!" The bartender says with a lust filled smile. "I didn't get your number."

"Not a local." He quickly retorts.

"Well where are you stayin' at then?" The bartender says pulling him back even further.

"Get off me you great poof!" Spike yells pulling his arm away and making a run for the door.

The rejected bartender is pissed.

"You better watch it out there vampire! Slayer'll get you!" He laughs.

"That's what I'm hoping for." He says under his breath.

__

Night turns to day and still I get no answers

Just a whisper whisper whisper whisper

Just a whisper whisper whisper whisper

Okay, so maybe patrolling was a better idea. He feels even more confident when he hears fighting as he nears the cemetery. That's when he smells blood. Slayer's blood. His pace quickens. Five demons have a woman pinned to the ground. Spike leaps onto on of them stabbing it through the skull. Still the other four will prove more of a problem, as they are now aware of his presence. He manages to behead one and gut another. Before the final two bring him down hard with one swoop of their giant arms. Now he is the one who is pinned until…

"Hey ugly! Get a room!" She yells. "Or better yet…"

With one fluid motion the battle-ax is embedded into the demons back.

Seeing that all it's friends are defeated the last demon makes a run for the nearest sewer tunnel.

"No! Don't go in there!" She whines.

The demon breaks through the crypt door jumps over a chair, and sends a TV sailing across the room.

"Hey! I was watchin' that!" The fleshy demon says digging into the clear bag for another pork rind.

She follows the demon into the tunnel. Spike slowly crawls to his feet and walks to the broken doorway of his old home.

"Clem?"

"Hi." The fleshy demon answers. "Want one?" he asks holding out his bag.

"Damn-it!" Comes her voice from below. She pounds up the steps.

"Hi Faith!" Clem greets her waving over-enthusiastically.

She gives him one of her classic go to hell looks before turning to Spike.

"Move." She commands, motioning him out of the doorway with her hands.

"Move" He scoffs.

"Yeah move. I've got work to do."

__

I hear the sound of the ticking of clocks

Who remembers your face

Who remembers you when you are gone

His jaw tightens. "Don't you mean thank you?" He asks.

She pretends to think.

"No. I'm pretty sure I mean move. As in get the hell outta my way before you need a dustpan." She threatens.

"I just saved your ass!" He argues.

"I don't think so! Cause from where I was standin' it was more like got knocked on your ass!" She counters.

"He shakes his head in disbelief "You are such a hanous bitch!"

"Oh! Best compliment I've had all night!" She says pushing him aside and walking back into the graveyard to get her weapons.

"Listen, you twit! I've come halfway across the world to find strangers where they're not supposed to be, I've been hit on by some fruit at the Bronze, then I come here and find you and I just wanna know what the hell is going on!" Spike cries.

"Why'd you come back in the first place?" She asks.

"The slayer. I've got a message for the slayer."

"Well, here she is."

__

I hear the sound of the ticking of clocks

Come back and look for me when I am lost

And I am just a whisper whisper whisper whisper

Just a whisper whisper whisper whisper

Continued in Chapter 2 "_Depraved"_.


	3. Depraved

**__**

Good Enough

**_By MsBigBad_**

****

Chapter 2: Depraved

Disclaimer: I don't own Buffy or any of the characters from the show. They belong to UPN, FOX, Mutant Enemy, and the wonderfully talented Joss Wheedon whom I love and adore! I'm just using them for some entertainment cause I'm an obsessed freak! Any original characters belong to me and **may not** be used w/o my permission. (I'd be happy to let you borrow but please no stealing!) Series title belongs to Sarah Mc Glaghlan, and is used w/o permission."Shout" is by Tears For Fears and is used w/o permission. Any quotes and/or poems will be disclaimed in the text. Flashbacks are in italics.

****

Ships: Spike/Buffy, Xander/Anya, Willow/Tara, Wesley/Cordelia, Gunn/Fred, Clem/Lorne, and Connor/Dawn.

****

Spoilers: Through "Seeing Red" on Buffy and " " on Angel.

****

Summary: After overhearing a prophecy concerning the chosen one, Spike decides to return to Sunnydale leaving Africa and the 15 years he's spent there behind.

****

Note: From the time of "Seeing Red" and " " this story is A/U. Which means there was no death of Tara, No nicely boxed Angel at the bottom of the ocean, no vainy Willow, and absolutely no flaying of Warren! If you want to know what has replaced that part I suggest you read my _timeline_.

****

Feedback: Please! I'd love to know what you think! You can reach me at .

****

Thanks: I want to thank my best friend Lauren for always believing in me and for giving me this little obsession! You are what keeps me alive! I've never had such a good friend that I could laugh and cry with till it hurt! And of course have long LOTR discussions and kinky fantasies of parts (he, he, he!) of the fellowship. You know what I mean I need to stop now cause then they'll be reading this for too long to even think about reading the story! I want to also thank my other friend Heather for wanting to read my stuff and for making me laugh enough to forget some of the angst in my stories! To everyone who archives/reviews my fics! I'm soo grateful for all you've done! Of course I need to thank Joss and his crew of talented writers, producers, directors, actors, and special behind the scenes guys! Thank you guys so much for the 2 best TV shows ever in existence! Really wanna thank James Marsters for being my snowman! (Don't worry if you don't get that! It's a seriously disturbing inside joke!) I love James! Good luck in everything that you do. And I really wanna thank you for reading my fic! Especially if you read through all this nonsense and bonus points if you actually pondered the snowman thing! (Seriously just let it go! It'll drive you insane and your head will explode! Yuck!) Lot's of luvs! Enjoy! Mwahhh!

Shout! Shout!

Let it all out!

Theses are things I can do without!

Come on!

I'm talking to you.

"Not you," He laughed sarcastically. "The other, Buffy."

"Sorry, I'm the one and only! B. just doesn't do the whole chosen thing anymore." She informs him.

"What?" He asks dumbfounded.

"She's not the Slayer anymore. Hasn't been for a long time blondie."

"She can't just stop bein' the Slayer. It's in her blood" He argues.

"They took away her power. That's why she couldn't save lil sis." Faith says closing the argument.

At the mention of Dawn he shies away.

"So, what's this prophecy all about? You gonna tell me or am I gonna have to beat it outta you?"

She says in a venomy voice.

He grows defensive again

"Like I said. It's for Buffy." He argues. "The person it talks about is nothing like you."

"You don't know anything about me." She says clenching her fists.

"I know of you. She told me. What you did. What you became."

"I guess you're not gonna take me up on that offer then since I'm how was it? I'm so far beneath you?"

The words caught his attention.

"Yeah, she told me about you too."

Come on!

In violent times,

You shouldn't have to sell you're soul.

In black and white,

They really ought to know.

He reaches inside his pack, a defeated look on his face, and grabs the orb.

"What the hell is that?" Faith says as he opens the orb.

"Your prophecy." He smirks.

The wind blows harder. Then the light comes. But then something different happens. The light moves. It

zings around the cemetery. Spike and Faith hurry after it. It stops over a gravestone and the woman appears.

"She who is chosen to live in the night,

Shall dance with death and lose the fight.

When the tides of love bash her against the cliffs,

She'll give it all up.

She'll lose her defense.

She cherishes and keeps the secret soul of a thief,

And he forevermore shall seek to find her.

And from beneath the deep where evil sleeps,

Children will cry and mothers, weep.

When the past is undone and the battle is won,

So shall pass the chosen one."

The epitaph reads Buffy Anne Summers. Her old grave as strange as that may seem.

"Maybe you're right." She says looking back at him wideyed.

"Yeah...So, where can I find her then?"

"She lives in L.A. ..but I don't know exactly where. I haven't seen her in years. You think bridesmaids and brides would try to keep in touch but you know her." She says misceviously.

His head shoots up. "Bride?"

Those one track minds,

That took you for a workin' boy,

Kiss them good-bye.

You shouldn't have to jump for joy.

Shout!

"Yeah. Didn't ya hear? She got hitched about ..seven..eight years ago?"

His anger is visable in his expression. "Who?"

"Oh some lawyer. She didn't know him too well but I guess that didn't matter since they were sooo in love. And of course there's the 6 digit paycheck. " She replies.

"Right. Yeah so this is the part where I get pissed off and attack you and you get to try to stake me? Sorry girly. Won't work."

"What do you mean try? I could dust you in a heartbeat."

"Listen I'd love to just stand here and bicker back and forth with you but I kinda got a slayer to warn here. Do you know where I can find her?" He asks with a hint of sarcasm.

"Xander might know. I think they still talk." She sighs defeatedly.

He cocks his head to the side and lights a cigarette. "Got the whelp's number?"

She pulls out her cellphone and points it at him.

"Call 'im then. I don't know how to operate that ... thing." He complains.

The phone rings for what seems like forever before a male voice answers.

"Sor--ry." He pants clearly out of breath.

"Did I interrupt something?" Faith asks cocking an eyebrow.

"Wha-- Oh! No, no. I'm 36 Faith I have no sex life. I was chasin' Derrick around the house." He explains.

"Uh-huh..."

"Well, he was trying to order samuri swords off e-bay. Apparently my son has a e-bay addiction. Ya know goes to E.B.A. meetings and everything. Right, not so funny. Give me a break I've been up all night finishing some contracts."

"Oh. Good excuse." She compliments.

"Can we get on with this?" Spike rushes her.

"Who was that." Xander asks.

"Oh it was, it was just my new boyfriend. You know how needy they are when you first get together."

"Oh my god you've been with him a whole 2 minutes! Faith I think this one's a keeper!" He laughs.

"Hey! You--"

She stops mid-sentance when she sees the look on Spike's face.

"Um. Xander can you give me Buffy's address? I was thinkin' about visiting her when I go to see Angel next week." She lies.

"Ya know I haven't really talked to her in awhile. I think I've got it here somewhere though." He says fumbling through some papers. " But, but I don't know if -- Derrick! Put that down! No put it down." There is a loud crash. "To you're room, now! No! Go now! Derrick if you make me come over there... No. Don't cry! Faith? Can I call you back later?" He asks.

"Sure!" She replies pressing the off button on her cellphone.

"Well." He looks at her pleadingly.

"He's got it, but he'll have to call back later."

"Later!" He cries as if any wait at all is liable to kill him.

"He's busy with his kid." She reasons.

"The whelp has children?" He laughs. "Thought they would have outlawed that long ago! It's a bit scary really. I hope it doesn't look like him!"

Another go to hell look is dispersed from her glaring eyes. This time directed at him.

"If looks could stake! What's that all about?"

"Nothing. And no, it doesn't look like him. They can't have children. They tried for years. So, finally they had to adopt. And let me tell you they love that child just like it's their own. Don't ever make fun of them for that. It's more than I ever had."

"Sorry." He replies, suddenly very interested in the grass below.

They gave you life.

And in return you gave them hell.

As cold as ice.

I hope we live to tell the tale.

Shout!

A few minutes go by in silence. Then a ringing noise scared them both. Finally realizing it's her phone she answers.

"Hello. Xander!" She smiles.

"Oh. Well wait a sec." She fumbles around in her pockets for something to write down the address with. Finnaly finding some lipstick, she yanks at Spike's sleeve and begins writing.

"Okay thanks Xander. Bye."

"Why the bloody hell did you just do that for?" Spike says holding up his pink decorated arm.

"I didn't have any paper." She replies non-chalantly.

He shakes his head in disbelief. "You really are off you're bird aren't you?"

"Got the address don't you?" She shrugs.

"Yeah.. on my coat!!" He yells pointing at his sleeve.

"Not my problem."

"God I hate you!"

"Not exactly in love with you either! That was her job!"

And when you've taken down your guard,

If I could change your mind,

I'd really love to break your heart.

Shout!

__

Continued in part 3 "Visions of the Past"

****

Continue

**Review Story******

**Back to Fiction**


	4. Visions of the Past

**__**

Good Enough

**_By MsBigBad_**

****

Chapter 3: Visions of the Past

Disclaimer: I don't own Buffy or any of the characters from the show. They belong to UPN, FOX, Mutant Enemy, and the wonderfully talented Joss Wheedon whom I love and adore! I'm just using them for some entertainment cause I'm an obsessed freak! Any original characters belong to me and **may not** be used w/o my permission. (I'd be happy to let you borrow but please no stealing!) Series title belongs to Sarah Mc Glaghlan, and is used w/o permission." Amazing" is by Aerosmith and is used w/o permission. Any quotes and/or poems will be disclaimed in the text. Flashbacks are in italics.

****

Ships: Spike/Buffy, Xander/Anya, Willow/Tara, Wesley/Cordelia, Gunn/Fred, Clem/Lorne, and Connor/Dawn.

****

Spoilers: Through "Seeing Red" on Buffy and " " on Angel.

****

Summary: After overhearing a prophecy concerning the chosen one, Spike decides to return to Sunnydale leaving Africa and the 15 years he's spent there behind.

****

Note: From the time of "Seeing Red" and " " this story is A/U. Which means there was no death of Tara, No nicely boxed Angel at the bottom of the ocean, no vainy Willow, and absolutely no flaying of Warren! If you want to know what has replaced that part I suggest you read my _timeline_.

****

Feedback: Please! I'd love to know what you think! You can reach me at .

****

Thanks: I want to thank my best friend Lauren for always believing in me and for giving me this little obsession! You are what keeps me alive! I've never had such a good friend that I could laugh and cry with till it hurt! And of course have long LOTR discussions and kinky fantasies of parts (he, he, he!) of the fellowship. You know what I mean I need to stop now cause then they'll be reading this for too long to even think about reading the story! I want to also thank my other friend Heather for wanting to read my stuff and for making me laugh enough to forget some of the angst in my stories! To everyone who archives/reviews my fics! I'm soo grateful for all you've done! Of course I need to thank Joss and his crew of talented writers, producers, directors, actors, and special behind the scenes guys! Thank you guys so much for the 2 best TV shows ever in existence! Really wanna thank James Marsters for being my snowman! (Don't worry if you don't get that! It's a seriously disturbing inside joke!) I love James! Good luck in everything that you do. And I really wanna thank you for reading my fic! Especially if you read through all this nonsense and bonus points if you actually pondered the snowman thing! (Seriously just let it go! It'll drive you insane and your head will explode! Yuck!) Lot's of luvs! Enjoy! Mwahhh!

__

I kept the right ones out

And let the wrong ones in

I had an angel of mercy

To see me through all my sins

He's not going anywhere tonight. No sir. He's just gonna sit back, relax, chainsmoke, and get shit faced drunk. Stupid whore. Who the hell did she think she was anyway?

She knew just where to make it hurt, didn't she? Probably learned it from the chosen one herself.

She always knew how to hurt him. Knew just how much it would take to piss him off.

He stares down at the half empty draft in his left hand. Yep, this is gonna be a long night.

It'll be just like old times. Getting' himself sloshed over her.

Trying so hard to just go numb. T o not feel it anymore. To not feel anything at all.

"Hey buddy! Whata ya wanna do tonight?" Clem asks, patting his old friend on the back in an embrace that's the closest to a hug as most guys will give to another man.

Spike takes another swig of his beer, lets it slosh down his throat, and looks at Clem without even a hint of optimism.

"Well, … The Bronze is definitely out." He replies.

Clem gives a smile of amusement. "Oh yeah. A lot of things have changed since you left"

Spike's eyebrow raises in sweet sarcasm. "Is that so? Hadn't noticed. With all the glaringly obvious flashing signs that say _Welcome back Spike! Look how we've fucked up your unlife!_" He reeled, throwing his empty bottle across the room.

"Whoa, whoa! Temper, temper big guy!" Clem held his hands in front of him, shielding the broken glass from his body.

"Sorry mate. It's just… I … Yeah.." He sighs, unable to find a rational excuse for his behavior.

"It's okay." Clem assures him.

A few minutes of awkward silence tick by before Spike decides to kick it into small talk mode. "So, um, tell me how it is that you're here doing the exact same thing you were doin' when I left."

"What!? I've been out! Before The Bronze became a total fruit fest . You know that bar tender? Charlie? Uh-huh!!! He was soo hottt! But, … he found out about the whole demon thing and you know… But uh…. Played a little kitten poker. The usual."

"You went to The Bronze to pick up guys before it was a gay bar?" Spike laughs.

"Well it's not something you can just flaunt around anymore Spike! Demons 'll bash you just as soon as look at you! If the see you coming out of there then you better be faster or stronger than them." Clem explains.

"Nothing excitin' happened while I was away?" Spike pries, opening another beer and gulping a bit down.

"Well there was the whole Faith thing, but…"

"Right, tell me how that went down." Spike asks, trying and failing miserably to sound disinterested.

"Man, I don't know the whole story! I'm not completely obsessed with the slayer like you were or should I say are. I don't follow her every move. One day Buffy was here, the next Faith was all over me! Did you see the way she was lookin' at me? God, she wanted me! You know that's the benefit of being transsexual! You can have the best of both worlds…. well all worlds actually!"

Spike smiles at his unusual friend. "I guess so." He says taking another swig of his precious alcohol.

"So what have you been doing?" Clem asks.

"Oh, uh been down in Africa for a bit. Given 'em hell an' all."

"Oh, well that's nice." Clem says, cocking his head to the side to examine his destroyed television.

"Yeah." Spike whispers, looking down at his knuckles.

__

There were times in my life

When I was goin' insane

Tryin' to get through the pain

The sound of Clem's thunderous snores echo through the crypt.

He can't sleep. He never does. He can't sleep here… too many memories. Too much history. Too much pain.

The night is still young. Only 1 o'clock.

He decides to take a walk.

The air is thick and hot. The smell of funeral flowers fills the cemetery with a musky scent.

All the new arrivals have either fled or are dust by now.

So, he just settles for walking. For resting.

He's so sick of fighting.

Who ever thought that day would come. William the Bloody sick of fighting.

But he's done it for many years.

It all seems useless now.

No matter how many demons he kills or vampire's he dusts, it won't matter.

He can never change what he's done in the past.

Choosing to save someone's life now won't save someone else from long ago who didn't get shown his mercy.

Atonement is a bitch.

He sighs and sits down beside a gravesite.

"Hey Joyce. It's me, Spike. I, uh, I just wanted to talk to you. Like we used to, minus the hot chocolate and marshmallows of course , but…" He lets out another long sigh and runs his fingers through his curly, bleached blond hair.

" I wanted to… I wanted to tell you… to tell you that… I'm sorry. I'm sorry I couldn't save them.., I shoulda done something…. I shoulda been there…. I'm sorry I failed you…I promised I'd protect them for you. I could see it in your eyes… You trusted me with them… But I couldn't do it… I failed you…And and I'm just sorry." He finishes, to emotional to think of anything better to say.

Tears make their way down his leather duster and sink into the ground below.

His hand goes to his breast pocket pulling out the temporarily forgotten picture.

There they are smiling back at him.

Worlds away, in peaceful bliss.

Before the empire fell.

They were so happy.

They were together.

They were one.

He'd failed Joyce once.

It wasn't gonna happen this time.

He closes the crypt door behind him shutting out the early rays of dawn.

He wants to sleep.

Needs it.

__

The dreams will come back if he shuts his eyes.

He's terrified of what desecration might await.

He doesn't want to feel the pain anymore, but his soul welcomes the torment.

After all, it's what he deserves.

He can hear the click of a trigger before the loud boom of a gun. He can see a blonde woman holding a younger brunette. See blood trickle down the young ones forehead as her lungs draw her last breath. "Spike?"

He can feel his fingers wrapped tightly around the cold steel of the revolver.

As he realizes what he's done he lowers the gun and turns on his heels to run away, instead he runs into the front desk. Paper scatter and float in the air like large butterflies.

"Spike? Where are you going?" Joe asks from behind the desk, his usual greasy look about him.

"I've got to find them." He replies urgently.

Joe shakes his head.

"They're not here remember. They're dead. Sit down. Rest. There's plenty of time"

"Noooo! I 've gotta find them!" Spike tells, scaring the hell out of Clem who was somewhere in-between a foursome with Brian Michael and Justin and a threesome with Ted and Emmett.

__

When I lost my grip

And I hit the floor

Yeah, I thought I could leave

But couldn't get out the door

Clem gently prods Spike with a wrinkly cheeto orange tinged finger.

"Hey buddy. It's okay."

"Wha. What?" Spike arises, back stiff as a board and sweat beading his forehead.

"You were dreaming. Musta been a doozy!" Clem sympathizes.

"Uh, yeah," "Yeah" He whispers.

His t-shirt is soaked with perspiration and he's shaking from the intensity of his dream. If only he could have finished it.

His hands grab the hemline of his trademark black tee and quickly he pulls the fabric over his head. He dries his face with it and in true guy style tosses it in the floor.

He lies back down again and tries to fall back into a dream that a few hours ago he was dreading and now must know the end of.

"But why can't I go?" Clem whined.

"I told you already. I'm on a mission, not a road trip." Spike explains, zipping his duffel bag.

"And I totally get that! I can help!"

"It's dangerous Clem! End of the world an all." Spike reasoned hoping it would keep his friend safe, safe of all places in Sunnydale.

"Woohoo! Like that's never happened before! Demon remember? There's an end of the world scheduled every week, mostly on Tuesdays!" He said grabbing a pile of letters.

"I get junk mail wanting me to join their end of the world cults!"

Spike took the mail from him and read through a few various offers.

"Hot, naked, and uncensored!" He giggles. "Let's join them!"

"Ha..how did that get there?" Clem says shyly, taking the letter from him pretending to throw it away, but instead secreting it away in a fleshy region of his skin that shall not be named.

"Listen, Spike. I'm going! Just let me grab a shower and we'll be off!"

Spike starts to protest, but instead questions him.

"Shower?.. Not only do you have a mailbox but you've installed a shower? And I thought a refrigerator was a technological advancement!"

"Well I had to make adjustments. I don't see how you even lived her!" Clem retorts.

"I didn't _live_," He makes air quotes "here. I'm dead remember?"

"Oh yeah!"

__

I was so sick and tired

Of livin' a lie

I was wishin' That I would die

****

Continued in Chapter 4 of Good Enough: The City Of Angel

__

A/N: Hey guys! Do you like it so far? Hope so! I want to thank all of you who have reviewed and supported this fic! And I promise I'll try to update it soon! I already have through chapter 8 written, but typing it is my problem!

I don't get mush computer time! But thanks and I hope you enjoyed and remain to enjoy this fic!


	5. City of Angels

**__**

Good Enough

**_By MsBigBad_**

****

Chapter 4: The City Of Angel

Disclaimer: I don't own Buffy or any of the characters from the show. They belong to UPN, FOX, Mutant Enemy, and the wonderfully talented Joss Wheedon whom I love and adore! I'm just using them for some entertainment cause I'm an obsessed freak! Any original characters belong to me and **may not** be used w/o my permission. (I'd be happy to let you borrow but please no stealing!) Series title belongs to Sarah Mc Glaghlan, and is used w/o permission." Amazing" is by Aerosmith and is used w/o permission. Any quotes and/or poems will be disclaimed in the text. Flashbacks are in italics.

****

Ships: Spike/Buffy, Xander/Anya, Willow/Tara, Wesley/Cordelia, Gunn/Fred, Clem/Lorne, and Connor/Dawn.

****

Spoilers: Through "Seeing Red" on Buffy and " " on Angel.

****

Summary: After overhearing a prophecy concerning the chosen one, Spike decides to return to Sunnydale leaving Africa and the 15 years he's spent there behind.

****

Note: From the time of "Seeing Red" and " " this story is A/U. Which means there was no death of Tara, No nicely boxed Angel at the bottom of the ocean, no vainy Willow, and absolutely no flaying of Warren! If you want to know what has replaced that part I suggest you read my _timeline_.

****

Feedback: Please! I'd love to know what you think! You can reach me at .

****

Thanks: I want to thank my best friend Lauren for always believing in me and for giving me this little obsession! You are what keeps me alive! I've never had such a good friend that I could laugh and cry with till it hurt! And of course have long LOTR discussions and kinky fantasies of parts (he, he, he!) of the fellowship. You know what I mean I need to stop now cause then they'll be reading this for too long to even think about reading the story! I want to also thank my other friend Heather for wanting to read my stuff and for making me laugh enough to forget some of the angst in my stories! To everyone who archives/reviews my fics! I'm soo grateful for all you've done! Of course I need to thank Joss and his crew of talented writers, producers, directors, actors, and special behind the scenes guys! Thank you guys so much for the 2 best TV shows ever in existence! Really wanna thank James Marsters for being my snowman! (Don't worry if you don't get that! It's a seriously disturbing inside joke!) I love James! Good luck in everything that you do. And I really wanna thank you for reading my fic! Especially if you read through all this nonsense and bonus points if you actually pondered the snowman thing! (Seriously just let it go! It'll drive you insane and your head will explode! Yuck!) Lot's of luvs! Enjoy! Mwahhh!

__

It's amazing

With the blink of an eye you finally see the light

It's amazing

And I'm sayin' a prayer for all the desperate hearts tonight

"What do you want Spike?" Angel says, venom flowing through every word.

He holds Spike a few feet above the ground, hand grasped tightly around a throat that needs no air.

He might have a soul now, but that doesn't mean he's a slave to it. Angel is still the most hated thing in his world after himself.

"Don't get cute with me Angelus! I'm looking for Buffy. Blonde hair about yay tall! I figured as you are her great love and all you'd know where I could find her."

"Haven't heard from her in years. And even if I had I wouldn't tell you."

A tall green demon with red pan-like horns steps through the main entrance of the Hyperion. He looks exhausted.

"Oh, Angel cakes! There you are! Could you be a doll and fix me a sea breeze? With the day I've had I'll need it!" He says, collapsing on the round chair in the middle of the lobby.

He finally notices Spike right in the middle of rubbing his temples.

He stand and looks at him, giving him a top to bottom stare down.

"Well hello! Aren't you handsome!" He says appreciating the ripped muscles that Spike's skin tight black tee give away.

__

What is it with me? Spike wondered. _Do I give off some kind of vibe?_

"Honey ! You give off many vibes! You and Angel-muffin here have got that appeals to all sexes thing going down pretty good!"

"Hey! I would never go down on Angel!!… Well except for that once an that was a long ti…Wait a… How did you?"

"He's an impath demon, he can see people's future's when they sing or hum like you were that Sex Pistols song. And by the way are you ever gonna get out of this whole punk Billy Idol wannabe phase?" Angel informs him.

"Hey! It's not a phase and for the millionth time Billy sodding Idol stole my look!."

"Ehh whatever. Here you go." He says, handing Lorne his drink and slamming Spike up against the wall again. " Now where were we?"

"Uh, thanks but no thanks this is horrible ! Who taught you how to make a sea breeze?" Lorne gags, holding the offending liquor in front of him for Angel to refix.

"I'm kinda in the middle of something here!" Angel gripes.

Lorne pouts at Angel and he almost gives in to his tired friends plea that is until he sees the look of utter amusement on Spike's face.

"What?" He asks innocently.

Spike flashes his now scarcely revealed smirk. "I knew it! Said it all along! I knew you were a poofter!"

"What! No! I'm not, not…" Angel fumbles. "Not a.. a um poofter!"

Spike laughs at Angel's uncertainty and is soon dropped to his feet like a dirty towel.

"This is Lorne. He **_works_** with me." Angel explains with one hand on Lorne's shoulder then quickly taking it away so it doesn't seem like a caress.

"Right!" Spike snickers.

"I am not gay!" Angel insists.

"Yeah yeah. I', sure all your friends call you by pastry pet names! What was it again Angel muffin? Listen, I don't want to know your sexual preferences. Could really care less. Like I said I need to find Buffy. So could you tell me where the damned Slayer is already?" Spike gripes.

"Fuck off Spike."

__

That one last shot's a permanent vacation

And how high can you fly with broken wings

Life's a journey not a destination

And I just can't tell what tomorrow brings

"I have to find her. It's important. The address I got was wrong. Some old woman with like 50 cats lives there now."

"Why's it so important? You gonna try to rape her again?"

Spike is visibly tense. "She told you?"

'No. Dawn told … she told Conner."

"Who the hell's that?"

Spike is again up against the wall.

"He was my son!" Angel supplies in anger before storming up the stairs. "If you know what's good for you you'll leave." He says, not turning around.

"Oh, don't mind him! He's just been a little different since… well since…" Lorne starts.

"Angel has a son? How is that even possible?" Spike asks, confused now more than ever.

"The powers work in strange ways."

"So, any good places to eat around here?" Clem asks setting down more suitcases than a man should ever pack.

Lorne looks at the obviously not gay demon and chooses to disregard the excessive packing as any sign of homosexuality. They were probably full of beer. He is dressed too much like a fisherman/plumber to be gay. Damn the luck! Ahh Kurumba He needs that sea breeze and Angel cakes is too busy brooding to get it for him. See if he ever listens to him sing "Mandy" again. You'd think he'd pick a different song every once in a while. Maybe he'll go up to his room and play some Judy. He makes his way to the mini bar and mixes his poison. Then he takes the bottle in hand and gestures to Spike to sit down.

"You guys can stay here. Angel won't mind. Well, he will, but he'll get over it eventually. Uh, you need anything just sing… I mean ring."

"Thanks!" Clem answers to Spike, who seems to be in deep thought.

Lorne nods and carries his tired body up the stairs and collapses onto his bed.

Spike makes his way behind the front desk and into Angel's office. He rummages through drawers and bookshelves looking for something.

"What are you doing?" Clem asks Spike with an undertone of annoyance rather than confusion.

"What does it look like?" Spike smarts.

"It looks like you're gonna get us killed. That Angel guy almost ripped your head off!"

"Only cause I let 'em. An' if you were so worried about my welfare why didn't you do something instead of hanging back in the doorway like that?"

""Right like I could take him or you for that matter." Clem reasons.

"Seriously! I could kick his ass any day!"

"Angel?" A female voice calls from the lobby.

Cordelia soon appears at the doorway of Angel's office and is horrified to find Spike sitting on the edge of the desk, a fleshy demon munching snack foods behind him.

"Hey! Those are mine!" She says grabbing the low fat chocolate mocha crunch cookies out of Clem's hands.

"Sorry!" Clem promptly apologizes, afraid of the brunette's wrath.

"Spike, what are you doing here? I thought you'd left the California and hopefully this planet!" Cordelia goes on with her rant.

"Nice to see you too! I'm shackin' up here with your beloved leader for a few nights….. In separate rooms not you know together. The point is I have to find Buffy."

"Boy did you come to the wrong place!"

"What's that supposed to mean?" Spike wonders out loud.

"It means that Buffy and Angel and their forbidden love affair… Totally Over!

They're both kinda blaming each other for their losses. And let me tell you their losses are worth a hell of a lot more than a couple million dollars and some mulit-billion dollar company. They've lost almost everything."

"I know."

"Was that somberness? From you? For Angel? Okay what the hell are you up to?" Cordelia accuses, amazed at the change in him.

"Nothing, I was talking about Dawn." He assures her of his motives.

"You're sad about Dawn. Well she sure wasn't sad about you! Talk about someone hating you! She had Angel beat!"

"Had good reason to I guess."

"You hurt her a lot. She wouldn't ever tell us, but I'm sure she told Conner."

"Listen pet. I've got to go. I'll be back later if anyone asks or cares. Clem you stay here and get all your junk sorted out." Spike says pretty grumpily pushing past the brunette and grabbing his cigarettes from the minibar along with a few bottles of jack.

__

You have to learn to crawl

Before you learn to walk

Bit I just couldn't listen to all that righteous talk

She hated him.

Living with that guilt was gonna be hell.

He hurt her.

He'd really hurt her.

She'd died hating him.

There's something about him that draws him to cemeteries. The air is cool and the moon is high. He's never seen her grave. Never seen her name scratched out on cold stone. His fingers trace the epitaph.

__

"And thou art dead, as young and fair

As aught of mortal birth;

And form so soft, and charms so rare,

Too soon returned to earth."

Beloved Sister, Lover, and Friend

1987-2005

The liquor is starting to effect him. He no longer lets his demon out. He's very much human, and his feelings of humanity and everything that comes with are starting to consume him.

He remembers a time when she called him her best friend. Her brother even.

Not anymore.

She would never call him any of those things again.

She'd never hold his hand or give him a hug.

She'd never cry on his shoulder.

She couldn't do any of these things.

She was dead.

And even through death he was sure she hated him.

He'd let her down.

He'd promised to stay.

He lied.

He lost her.

"This is starting to become a pattern with you." Clem muses.

"I told you to unpack. You're supposed to be at the hotel."

"Last time I checked we were friends, not man and bitch, but if you wanna change that!"

No smile graces his face and his eyes never leave the marble slab of his lost friend.

"I let them down Clem. The both of them. I was supposed to protect them. Always be there. I was supposed to be different. I failed."

"No, you didn't." Clem assures him, shaking his head.

"How do you figure?"

"You loved the. You tried that's what matters. I know why you went to Africa. I could smell it on you since you walked into my door. You got your soul… for her. So, why didn't you come back?"

"Thought about it. But… when it came right down to it? I don't think it would have changed her mind. I'm not Angel. When I came back she wouldn't have welcome me back with open arms, but she wouldn't of staked me either. Knew if I came back. If I was that close to 'er. I wouldn't have been able to bear it. Buffy, you can't just be her friend. Every person she meets falls in love with 'er and I'm just a face in the crowd. Victim number one million and one."

"Well come on, Angel's out. He left to patrol so I guess you have a few hours to rummage around in his office,"

"What about Cordelia and Angel's demon friend?"

"She went to some fancy restaurant with her boyfriend and I think Lorne's asleep. He was pretty slammed when he went back upstairs."

"Shall we then?" Spike grins evilly.

__

I was out on the street

Just tryin' to survive

Scratchin' to stay

Alive

"Spike? Here?"

"Uh-huh." She said, applying her lipstick for the millionth time that hour.

"Well what does he want?"

She looked skeptically at him.

"Oh, right, stupid of me. He wants Buffy." Wes realized.

"Big duh! He says he needs to find her. He made it sound urgent, but we all know urgent for Spike is whenever he gets an erection. So I couldn't really tell what he meant. Is the food ever gonna get here?" She complains.

"They are being a bit delayed aren't they?"

She laughs at him. "You've been away from the motherland for how long now? You still sound like a new arrival!"

"Sorry!" He blushes. "Does it bother you?"

"No, quite the contrary. I'm actually rather turned on by your sophistication!" Cordelia replies putting her acting abilities to work, sporting a perfect british accent.

"Really?" He teases grabbing at her leg under the table.

"Wesley!" She scolds (or at least tries to) as he moves his hand to her inner thigh and his mouth nibbles her ear.

The pimply teenager places two mega burgers in front of the middle aged lovers and quickly walks away saying something to his co-worker about shielding his eyes from the old people having sex in booth 9.

"Huh! Old! Who are you calling old!" Cordy yells back at him.

No address book anywhere. Nothing. He'd been looking for a straight hour.

Wait a minute... Something was wrong with this panel, it's hollow. He takes out his trusty pocket knife and pries the floor up. Inside a metal tin shines back at him. This has to have something worth while in it. He pulls it out of the hole and dusts it off. His eyes linger on the pad lock. Wouldn't be too much of a problem, well except for the fact that footsteps were coming from outside of the building moving closer and closer to the door. There is no way he can go back into the lobby without someone seeing him. He searches for any escape route possible.

"Stealing from my dad?" Conner asks coolly.

"No." Spike replies quickly.

"It's okay. That's what I was gonna do." Conner assures him stuffing a few pens into his bag.

"You're Conner right?" Spike asks curiously.

"Yeah, or at least that's what he called me."

"There's a lot of past tense there. You guys don't talk anymore?"

"Nope." Conner says non- chalantly spinning the dial to the safe and grabbing a few hundred dollars.

"He talks about you like you're dead."

"Listen I've gotta…" He gestures to the door. "You should too. He'll be home soon. See you later?"

"Felloe Angel hater? You bet." Spike grins.

"Oh, and the key to that box you're holding, it's here." He says touching two fingers to a book on the mantle before making his exit.

Spike pulls the small green book from it's place and read s the title on the thick spine.

"_The Poets of Ireland _Whata ya know the poof can read!"

He flips the book open and takes out a silver key that looks like it should fit. He quickly places everything back as it'd been and carries the bed to what he's made his room for the time being. He can hear Angel coming in downstairs. He's talking to someone or maybe it's just himself He wouldn't put it past Peaches to go all skitzo. No that voice… it was defiantly female. It was defiantly…

"Buffy?"

They're shouting at each other. The love that used to radiate off them in waves is gone. Hatred has replaced every positive thing about them.

"We're not going through this again Angel! You haven't cared for the last 3 years. Why start now!" She wails slamming the patio door so hard that the glass shatters.

Spike hears Angel climb the stairs and slam the door to his room.

"Time to go." He whispers, jumping down from the balcony to the filthy Los Angeles street.

__

It's amazing

With the blink of an eye you finally see the light

It's amazing

And I'm sayin' a prayer for all the desperate hearts tonight

__

Continued in Chapter 5 "Fine"

A/N: Sorry it took so long guys! Hope you like the story so far! Thanks to everyone who is supporting this fic and to everyone who has reviewed it!


	6. Fine

**__**

Good Enough

**_By MsBigBad_**

**__**

Chapter 5: Fine

Disclaimer: I don't own Buffy or any of the characters from the show. They belong to UPN, FOX, Mutant Enemy, and the wonderfully talented Joss Wheedon whom I love and adore! I'm just using them for some entertainment cause I'm an obsessed freak! Any original characters belong to me and **may not** be used w/o my permission. (I'd be happy to let you borrow but please no stealing!) Series title belongs to Sarah Mc Glaghlan, and is used w/o permission." Soul" is by Matchbox 20 and is used w/o permission. Any quotes and/or poems will be disclaimed in the text. Flashbacks are in italics.

****

Ships: Spike/Buffy, Xander/Anya, Willow/Tara, Wesley/Cordelia, Gunn/Fred, Clem/Lorne, and Connor/Dawn.

****

Spoilers: Through "Seeing Red" on Buffy and " " on Angel.

****

Summary: After overhearing a prophecy concerning the chosen one, Spike decides to return to Sunnydale leaving Africa and the 15 years he's spent there behind.

****

Note: From the time of "Seeing Red" and " " this story is A/U. Which means there was no death of Tara, No nicely boxed Angel at the bottom of the ocean, no vainy Willow, and absolutely no flaying of Warren! If you want to know what has replaced that part I suggest you read my _timeline (which I promise will be done soon! Sorry!)_.

****

Feedback: Please! I'd love to know what you think! You can reach me at .

****

Thanks: I want to thank my best friend Lauren for always believing in me and for giving me this little obsession! You are what keeps me alive! I've never had such a good friend that I could laugh and cry with till it hurt! And of course have long LOTR discussions and kinky fantasies of parts (he, he, he!) of the fellowship. You know what I mean I need to stop now cause then they'll be reading this for too long to even think about reading the story! I want to also thank my other friend Heather for wanting to read my stuff and for making me laugh enough to forget some of the angst in my stories! To everyone who archives/reviews my fics! I'm soo grateful for all you've done! Of course I need to thank Joss and his crew of talented writers, producers, directors, actors, and special behind the scenes guys! Thank you guys so much for the 2 best TV shows ever in existence! Really wanna thank James Marsters for being my snowman! (Don't worry if you don't get that! It's a seriously disturbing inside joke!) I love James! Good luck in everything that you do. And I really wanna thank you for reading my fic! Especially if you read through all this nonsense and bonus points if you actually pondered the snowman thing! (Seriously just let it go! It'll drive you insane and your head will explode! Yuck!) Lot's of luvs! Enjoy! Mwahhh!

__

Hang out my window and over your head

Stare at your feelings to see where they end

You're waiting here for someone else

To break you from the inside

You've been so composed

It's her. He can smell it. Even after 15 years, or after a thousand, he'd never forget it.

A blonde head turns the corner and briskly struts away in search of her abandoned car. He runs to catch up. He's so close and then everything goes dark. When he wakes up he finds himself lying flat on his ass in the middle of the alley.

He goes into full defense mode. Game face appearing and fists at the ready.

He looks up at the outstretched hand of the attacker. He hesitantly takes it and is on his feet again.

"Sorry man, it's just, you really shouldn't be going after her. She's got enough problems."

"Is that right?" He dusts himself off and continues. "You're strong for a mortal, not so strong for a vampire." Spike comments letting Conner know that he's not being fooled.

"Stronger than most." Conner replies.

"Is that why your da.."

"Yeah, but we weren't exactly the best of pals before."

"I can't believe you just did that!" Gunn says in a sort of shocked amusement.

"I can." Wesley informs him.

"What! He called me old! You really didn't expect me to let it go!"

"I seem to remember him calling us both old, but you didn't see me overreacting like that!" Wesley retorts.

"Wesley you are old! Me on the other hand… I may be old by some people's standards, but I still kick ass!" Cordelia brags.

"Well, I'm just glad that police officer was so understanding!" Fred sighs.

"I think I dated him. I can't remember? I think maybe he was before Johnny but after Margo?" Cordy asks herself.

"Margo, yes he was a winner!" Wesley criticizes.

"Oh, would you shut-up! Jealousy will drive you mad and I think we all know what comes with that!"

"Cordelia!" He whines.

"What! I'm not looking forward to being chased by axe murderer Wesley any time soon!…. And I **know** Fred's not."

Fred would blush, but she was too busy looking at the taco joint across the street. Charles and she hadn't eaten yet. They'd been running late to dinner and arrived at the height of the ass kicking and red flashing lights.

"Hey yall! Let's get something to eat!"

__

We all know there's always something tearing you apart

It's always so much longer than you thought

But you don't worry, you don't worry

Cause you've got soul

"Why did you come back? I mean Africa seems pretty cool."

"For Buffy." Spike answers Conner's rather direct question.

"She doesn't want you."

"I didn't mean to be with her. I need to talk to her. Warn her. Something's coming and it had her name written all over it."

"Well, before you find her you might wanna open that box." Conner warns.

"Why? What's in it?"

"Something that might change your mind about her." Conner simply replies.

"And what might that be? You don't even know what I think about her in the first place."

"Believe me, I know."

__

You're so heavy, you're so misunderstood

And I spent all my wishes, wishing times were good

You've been here so long now

He slowly drifts back toward the Hyperion hands in his pockets and mind not at all on getting there. Which is probably why he's on his back on the street for the second time tonight.

"Stop following me." The petite blonde warns.

"Buffy?" He stumbles to his feet.

"Go away Spike." She says searching her purse for her keys.

"Wait." He says grabbing her hand and dragging her into the light.

She quickly draws the hand away and falls back into the shadows leaning against her SUV searching with more urgency for her lost keys.

"What's wrong with your face?" He asks with concern.

"I don't know what's wrong with yours."

"Buffy."

"Demon got the best of me the other night. Comes with the job." She lies.

"I know you're not the Slayer anymore." He informs her.

"Go away Spike. I have to get home. It's late."

"Did he do this to you? Did he hit you?"

"I'm not gonna say it again Spike! Go away! I don't know why you thought that coming running back here would solve anything. I have my own life now and you're not a part of it!"

"I know that. That's not why I'm here anyway." He goes on.

"Leave now!" She orders inserting her key into the locked door.

"No, no, no. It's not that easy!" He starts.

"Let me make it really simple for you." She yells over her rumbling engine "Fuck off!" She speeds away.

He makes no effort to follow her. He's had a bad night and he doubts it would help right now to go after someone who obviously wants to be left alone. He just wants to go raid the mini bar and rest. Maybe he'll pop open Angel's treasure chest.

__

We all know there's always something tearing you apart

It's always so much longer than you counted on

And it hits you so much harder than you thought

But you don't worry, you don't worry

Cause darling you've got so much soul

Darling, you've got so much soul

"Mhm." Fred closes her eyes in satisfaction.

"Good?" Gunn asks proudly.

"Wonderful." She glows.

"More?"

"Oh God yes!" Fred begs.

"Wes? Cordy?"

"Actually, I might just take some more! It was absolutely intoxicating." Wesley comments.

"Yeah it was pretty damn great!" Cordy revels.

"Hey! Can we get some more CK Deluxe's over here? Thanks!" Gunn calls to the waiter.

"I think that was the best taco I've ever ate!" Fred says, rubbing her partially exposed tummy.

Gunn's eyes have a glazed look of love and he decides that he can wait no longer.

"Fred?"

"What? Do I have…" She raises her hand to wipe away the non existent taco sauce on her face.

"No. It's just." He takes a deep breath. " I love you."

"Oh, well I love you too."

"No. I mean… I…." His hand goes to his coat pocket bringing out a small blue felt covered box.

He swallows the lump that's been forming in his throat and continues.

" Winifred Berkel, will you marry me?"

"Oh. Oh God! Charles!" She fans herself.

"Does that mean yes? Cause…"

"You dummy! Of course it means yes! Charles, I just can't believe…"

"That I waited this long?" He questions.

"No, well… yes, but I'm just so happy!" She says throwing her arms around her new found fiancé.

Cordelia looked at her very emotional friends and a wave of jealousy hit her. It was soon replaced by joy, but it had been there if even for a second.

It's weird how some moments can last a lifetime and others pass quickly and are forgotten.

Gunn and Fred had only gotten back together a year and a half ago. While Wesley and herself had been with each other for a little over five years now. Why hadn't he popped the question yet? Was she unattractive? Was he going to leave her? Was she too ditzy or outspoken? What was wrong with her?

Spike finally makes it back only to be welcomed by Angel.

"If you're staying here then you're fighting. 1324 Wilton St. Siltha demon terrorizing a few of the homeless."

"Siltha? Don't they?" Spike starts to question but is cutoff first.

"Why don't you find out. Take the tunnels, you'll get there faster. And Spike? Stay away from Buffy."

"Already been warned mate." He says gesturing to his beaten appearance. "Twice."

Angel doesn't hear or dissent's act like he does so Spike just grabs his bag and hit's the tunnels.

Siltha demons. Why'd it have to be Siltha demons? From what he'd heard they were not a great thing to fight alone. Which he was. Alone. No use dragging anyone else into the mix.

__

Well, there's always something tearing you apart

It's always so much longer than you counted on

And it hits you so much herder than you thought

Then you ever thought it would

All he really wants to do is find Buffy's husband and kill him. How could she let herself be treated that way? She was so strong even without Slayer strength she'd always had this inner strength.

Angel slams the door of his office. Conner's been there again. He comes about once a month to loot whatever Angel has lying about.

This time he's taken some money and some office equipment.

Not too bad considering.

The darkness conceals the tears that slowly make their way down the hard lines of his tired face.

"Conner." He sobs.

"What have I done?" He asks himself running his fingers through his ungelled hair.

His sadness quickly changes to anger as his fists clench.

"What has she done?" He whispers.

__

But you don't worry, and you don't worry

Cause you don't worry, you don't worry

Cause you don't worry, you don't worry

Cause you've got soul

Continued in Chapter 6 of Good Enough "Crestfallen Divergence"

__

A/N: Thanks to everyone who has followed and reviewed this fic! I'm do grateful for all the reviews I've been getting! Send me more to fuel the upcoming chapters!


	7. Crestfallen Divergence

**__**

Good Enough

**_By MsBigBad_**

****

Chapter 6: Crestfallen Divergence

Disclaimer: I don't own Buffy or any of the characters from the show. They belong to UPN, FOX, Mutant Enemy, and the wonderfully talented Joss Wheedon whom I love and adore! I'm just using them for some entertainment cause I'm an obsessed freak! Any original characters belong to me and **may not** be used w/o my permission. (I'd be happy to let you borrow but please no stealing!) Series title belongs to Sarah Mc Glaghlan, and is used w/o permission. "Just a Ride" is by Jem and is used w/o permission. Any quotes and/or poems will be disclaimed in the text. Flashbacks are in italics.

I don't own Buffy or any of the characters from the show. They belong to UPN, FOX, Mutant Enemy, and the wonderfully talented Joss Wheedon whom I love and adore! I'm just using them for some entertainment cause I'm an obsessed freak! Any original characters belong to me and be used w/o my permission. (I'd be happy to let you borrow but please no stealing!) Series title belongs to Sarah Mc Glaghlan, and is used w/o permission. "Just a Ride" is by Jem and is used w/o permission. Any quotes and/or poems will be disclaimed in the text. Flashbacks are in italics.****

Ships: Spike/Buffy, Xander/Anya, Willow/Tara, Wesley/Cordelia, Gunn/Fred, Clem/Lorne, and Connor/Dawn.

****

Spoilers: Through "Seeing Red" on Buffy and " " on Angel.

****

Summary: After overhearing a prophecy concerning the chosen one, Spike decides to return to Sunnydale leaving Africa and the 15 years he's spent there behind.

****

Note: From the time of "Seeing Red" and " " this story is A/U. Which means there was no death of Tara, No nicely boxed Angel at the bottom of the ocean, no vainy Willow, and absolutely no flaying of Warren! If you want to know what has replaced that part I suggest you read my _timeline (which I promise will be done soon! Sorry!)_.

From the time of "Seeing Red" and " " this story is A/U. Which means there was no death of Tara, No nicely boxed Angel at the bottom of the ocean, no vainy Willow, and absolutely no flaying of Warren! If you want to know what has replaced that part I suggest you read my .****

Feedback: Please! I'd love to know what you think! You can reach me at I want to thank my best friend Lauren for always believing in me and for giving me this little obsession! You are what keeps me alive! I've never had such a good friend that I could laugh and cry with till it hurt! And of course have long LOTR discussions and kinky fantasies of parts (he, he, he!) of the fellowship. You know what I mean I need to stop now cause then they'll be reading this for too long to even think about reading the story! I want to also thank my other friend Heather for wanting to read my stuff and for making me laugh enough to forget some of the angst in my stories! To everyone who archives/reviews my fics! I'm soo grateful for all you've done! Of course I need to thank Joss and his crew of talented writers, producers, directors, actors, and special behind the scenes guys! Thank you guys so much for the 2 best TV shows ever in existence! Really wanna thank James Marsters for being my snowman! (Don't worry if you don't get that! It's a seriously disturbing inside joke!) I love James! Good luck in everything that you do. And I really wanna thank you for reading my fic! Especially if you read through all this nonsense and bonus points if you actually pondered the snowman thing! (Seriously just let it go! It'll drive you insane and your head will explode! Yuck!) Lot's of luvs! Enjoy! Mwahhh!

Life, it's ever so strange

It's so full of change

Think that you've worked it out

Then bang

Right of the blue

Somethin' happens to you

To throw you off course and then you breakdown

Yeah you breakdown

Well, don't you breakdown

Listen to me

Because

Why'd it have to be him? Out of all the people or creatures she'd met over the years, why him? Now? She has to get home. Jeremy will be back from his business trip soon. He'll wonder where she's been if she's not at the house when he gets there. Why did Angel have to bring her into this? Why now? He hadn't given a damn in so many years. Why start now?

Siltha demons did he mention that he hated them? Not that Angel would care or even appreciate that he'd helped him. Why the hell had he helped him?

He drops his bag in the floor of his room and collapses in the armchair.

He can't keep his mind off her. She's so beautiful, age has had no effect at all on his love for her. But she isn't herself . She's broken. Everyone around here seems to be broken, and he gets the feeling that it won't take long till he's broken too.

"Long night?" The ice clangs in his sea breeze as he leans against the door frame.

"You have no idea, or maybe you do but I don't recall humming or anything as of late."

"No honey exhaustion and confusion and about every other emotion are all over your face right now not your aurora."

He looks up at the green demon and sighs. "That obvious huh?"

"Ehh." Lorne says tilting his hand from side to side.

"Bloody hell! What the fuck am I supposed to do? I came here thinking it'd be easy."

Lorne stops mid glass raise to look over at him.

"Well okay not easy. Nothing's ever easy with Buffy. I don't know. I just thought it'd be different. Somehow I thought…"

"You thought she'd be different, or less different, the way she was when you left. Well here's some news cowboy. Lot's of things have happened since the last time you were in the barn. She's changed and you're gonna have to deal with it if you're gonna help her."

His eyes hit the floor and his voice lowers. "I know that."

"Do you? You might think you love her. You defiantly love who she used to be, but can you love what she's become?"

Why? That's the only question that runs through her mind as a eight car pile up on the freeway delays her further. She checks her watch, 12:44. Shit! She's gonna be late, his plane lands at 1:30 and this will take at least that long. They live ten minutes away from the airport which means he'll be there before her. What is she gonna do? Why should she worry about this? Angel's right. She is not helpless. She can stand up for herself. That's just what she's gonna do.

It's just a ride, it's just a ride

No need to run, no need to hide

It'll take you round and round

Sometimes you're up, sometimes you're down

It's just a ride, it's just a ride

Don't be scared, don't hide your eyes

It may feel so weird inside

But don't forget, it's just a ride

"Spike, Wes and Gunn need you. They're waiting down in the lobby." Angel forces more than asks.

"Whoa. Whoa. I don't know how you came to the conclusion that I was your little lap dog, but you need to forget it. I've got things I need to do. Came here for a reason you know." Spike reminds him.

"Yeah, yeah. You found some glowy ball thingy that says the slayer's gonna die. In case you haven't noticed, Buffy's not the slayer anymore. Maybe you should take this up with Faith."

"Already have thank you, an' she thinks it's about Buffy too." Spike brags.

"Well isn't that swell! You've got everybody rammed so far up your ass they can't see straight don't you? It's not my problem Spike and it's not yours either it's Buffy's."

"Oh what, so your just gonna let her die?" Spike scoffs.

"She doesn't want my help!" Angel quickly reminds him.

"Yeah well that don't mean she doesn't need it! But that's right you don't care. Don't care about anything! Least about anything cept yourself! What a perfect piece of work you've become! The immaculate contrast between Angel and Angelus! Congratulations!" He says throwing his hands up in the air.

"What do you think you're gonna do?" Angel asks looking back over his shoulder at Spike who had proceeded to leave the room. "Your gonna ride in on your white horse, sweep her off her feet? Save the day? That's what you could never get William. Sometimes you lose. And when you lose you back off. You let it go."

"Like you let your son go?" Spike replies curtly.

Angel charges at Spike in a fury at the blatant remark, but he has the foresight to move first leaving angel to fall to the ground. Spike's boot is quickly on his grandsire's back holding him down. "You don't know anything about my son." Angel manages.

"I know a lot more than you think gramps. So what boo hoo, my son's a vampire without a soul. What did you expect? Get with the program! You're supposed to be the good guy! I'm the one in the middle remember?"

"Like I said, you don't know anything about him." Angel shakes Spike off.

"Whatever, I don't have the time for your mamby pamby pissing around. I've got a Slayer to save." He says finally exiting the room.

"She won't leave him." Angel shouts. "She told me the same load of bullshit she probably told you. She doesn't need me. I'm not in her life anymore. It's the same lie she keeps telling herself over and over just so she can live with it."

"Yeah, and you don't have the courage to tell her that! You could at least try."

"She's not gonna let you in. So you might as well deal with it and get the hell out of my city." Angel advises.

"I don't deal Angelus. I make it happen. Thought you knew me better than that. You used to."

Why did demons have to mess everything up? You're having a perfect night and then bam! There goes yet another scaly clan of demons trying to destroy the world! Cordy and Fred were just discussing every detail of the wedding plans when they'd overheard a few robed figures talking about ending the world. The guys were already out on some other mission to kill some type of alien egg things and that left them all alone. Oh well, after this long they'd gotten used to it (didn't make it any less annoying!), but they could deal.

"Got you're weapons?" Spike asks grabbing a large battle axe from the display case that served as the Angel Investigations armory and tossing it over his shoulder.

Wesley holds up a rather large sword and Gunn is sporting a similar battle axe.

"Good. Let's got then. Don't have all night." Spike sighs.

"If you'd rather be somewhere else I'm sure we could manage on…" Wesley starts.

"Just tell me what we're fightin'."

"Yeah, nice to meet you too!" Gunn smarts off.

"Hey, William the Bloody aka Spike. Slayer of two Slayers, descendant of the line of Aurelius, and general all around good guy! Nice to meet you!" Spike says smugly, holding out his hand for Gunn to shake and flashing his game face.

"Right, you're a badass, don't mess with you!" Gunn responds getting Spike's warning, but not heeding it.

His head is busting. He really needs some Tylenol. It seems every noise is personified by about a million times.

"Can't sleep either?" Clem asks shyly from his place behind the front desk.

"The first time alcohol has kept me up, unless there was an overwhelming urge for more. Not tonight. Uh. I'm mostly trying not to trip over my own two toes. No wait I don't have two toes, that's the ninja turtles… never mind."

"Here." Clem says, handing him a red pill.

"Thanks."

"No problem. So, any good clubs to hang at around here?"

"You wouldn't 'hang' at any of the clubs I'd suggest. Trust me."

"Yeah, right." Clem says, grabbing his soda and stepping out into the garden to feel rejected.

"Great!" Lorne mumbles massaging his forehead.

1:47. She's screwed. Jeremy will be home any minute and she's still stuck on the freeway. How long did it take to clean up an eight car pile up, that's what she'd like to know. God why was this always happening to her.

Truth, we don't want to hear

It's too much to take

Don't feel out of control

So we make our plans

Ten times a day

And when they don't go our way we breakdown

Yeah, we breakdown

Well, don't you breakdown

Listen to me

Because

They'd came they'd fought, they'd conquered, they'd been covered in egg yolk. They were on their way back to the hotel when they'd caught sight of Fred and Cordelia who were also seemed to have fought something ickily messy.

"OMG! Fred are you alright?" Gunn asks, running to his new found fiancée's side.

"Cordelia!" Wesley starts.

She holds her hand up to hush him. "No, I'm fine."

"You wore my jacket on patrol? Oh bloody hell it's ruined! What on earth were you thinking?"

"What was I thinking? What was I thinking? Well let's see Wesley I was thinking: Wow this smells like him, I'll take it with me so I can bask in the scent of someone who supposedly loves me! What I was never thinking on the other hand was : Gee I hope I get in a fight with an evil gooey demon clan who by the way could have killed me which I guess was stupid of me cause doesn't that happen every night? But you wanna know what I'm really thinking? Now I'm thinking maybe I should just stop trying and find someone else. You know Margo would have already married me by now and I'd be popping out his 4th kid! But right now I'm thinking it's time to go home! Good-bye! Fred, Gunn, Congratulations." She flashes her best smile and clicking her high heels as fast as she can to the curb and jumps in her car.

"Cordelia wait!" Fred pleads. "Charles and I will take you home. You shouldn't be driving if you're upset."

"I'm not going to leave my car."

"Gunn can drive a stick." Fred informs her friend.

Spike giggles at that loaded comment.

Gunn ignores him and tosses Wes his keys. "Follow us?"

Wesley nods his head in conformation.

Cordy's mid-sized sedan hums to a quiet start and pulls away.

Wesley hands the keys to Spike "Would you drive? I feel a headache coming on."

"Wow. She just done a number on you!" Spike whistles opening the driver's side door.

"Yes, indeed." Wesley agrees.

"Nice to see there's still a few cars that haven't switched over to electric." Spike notes, turning over the loud engine of Gunn's beloved truck.

He looks over at Wesley who is rubbing his throbbing head. "But, your alright then?"

"No, not really… I'm so stupid!" Wes says laying his head on the dashboard with a rather hard bonk!

"I wouldn't say that. I hear you're pretty alright upstairs. It's just the women's department you're having your troubles with, and what guy's never been there before?" Spike questions.

"Gunn apparently."

"I know I'm not one to be giving advice, but did you ever think about telling her how much you love her? They like to be reminded that there's no one else but them. A woman like Cordelia might be pretty high maintenance, but she sure does seem to be worth it. Are you trying to get rid of her?"

"Of course not!" Wesley exclaimed.

"Well don't be yellin' at me about it, tell your byrd." Spike verbally bitch smacks his fellow brit.

"Spike where are you going?"

"The hell if I know! Lost Shaft a long time ago!" He says shrugging and taking a long drag off his cigarette.

"Go straight!" Wesley directs.

"Sod that! There's no traffic moving up there. Can hear all the cars slowin' down." Spike informs him opting for a more scenic route.

It's just a ride, it's just a ride

No need to run, no need to hide

It'll take you round and round

Sometimes you're up, sometimes you're down

It's just a ride, it's just a ride

Don't be scared, don't hide your eyes

It may feel so weird inside

But don't forget, it's just a ride

"Where are they going!" Cordy points Fred and Gunn's attention to the truck rumbling down the shoulder of the highway past them and then sharply turning to the exit ramp.

"I'm gonna kick Wes's ass!"

"Now we're talkin'" Cordy chimes in.

"You can bet that we'll be getting there before anyone else! Got a game plan?" Spike asks.

"Oh, well I guess I'll get some clothing and my car and spend the night at the hotel. I'm sure Angel wouldn't mind having another guuuueeeessstttttt!" Wes has a deathgrip on the dash as the truck swerves and Spike yells a sting of curses out the driver's side window. The white SUV had nearly collided head first into them.

Slowly, oh so very slowly

Accept that there's no getting off

So live it, just gotta go with it

Because this rides never gonna stop

Breakdown, don't you breakdown

No need to breakdown, no need at all

Because

"What's going on Charles?"

" Looks like a wreck. We might be here for awhile.

"How could he not want to propose to me? I love him! And the sex, well let's just say it's damn good! What would make him not want me?" Cordelia asked out of nowhere.

"Cordelia, he does want you it's just…" Fred starts.

"I'm fat! I'm fat and old and I'm poor! That's got to be it!"

"Cordelia!" Fred and Gunn say in union.

It's just a ride, it's just a ride

No need to run, no need to hide

It'll take you round and round

Sometimes you're up, sometimes you're down

It's just a ride, it's just a ride

Don't be scared, don't hide your eyes

It may feel so weird inside

But don't forget, it's just a ride

Don't forget, enjoy the ride

A/N: Please please review!


	8. Scars

**__**

Good Enough

**_By MsBigBad_**

****

Chapter 7: Scars

Disclaimer: I don't own Buffy or any of the characters from the show. They belong to UPN, FOX, Mutant Enemy, and the wonderfully talented Joss Wheedon whom I love and adore! I'm just using them for some entertainment cause I'm an obsessed freak! Any original characters belong to me and **may not** be used w/o my permission. (I'd be happy to let you borrow but please no stealing!) Series title belongs to Sarah Mc Glaghlan, and is used w/o permission. "Separate Ways" is by Journey and is used w/o permission. Any quotes and/or poems will be disclaimed in the text. Flashbacks are in italics.

I don't own Buffy or any of the characters from the show. They belong to UPN, FOX, Mutant Enemy, and the wonderfully talented Joss Wheedon whom I love and adore! I'm just using them for some entertainment cause I'm an obsessed freak! Any original characters belong to me and be used w/o my permission. (I'd be happy to let you borrow but please no stealing!) Series title belongs to Sarah Mc Glaghlan, and is used w/o permission. "Separate Ways" is by Journey and is used w/o permission. Any quotes and/or poems will be disclaimed in the text. Flashbacks are in italics.****

Ships: Spike/Buffy, Xander/Anya, Willow/Tara, Wesley/Cordelia, Gunn/Fred, Clem/Lorne, and Connor/Dawn.

****

Spoilers: Through "Seeing Red" on Buffy and " " on Angel.

****

Summary: After overhearing a prophecy concerning the chosen one, Spike decides to return to Sunnydale leaving Africa and the 15 years he's spent there behind.

****

Note: From the time of "Seeing Red" and " " this story is A/U. Which means there was no death of Tara, No nicely boxed Angel at the bottom of the ocean, no vainy Willow, and absolutely no flaying of Warren! Oh and the timeline I've been rambling on about? Screw the timeline I'm far too lazy! If you have a question though just e-mail me.

****

Feedback: Please! I'd love to know what you think! You can reach me at I want to thank my best friend Lauren for always believing in me and for giving me this little obsession! You are what keeps me alive! I've never had such a good friend that I could laugh and cry with till it hurt! And of course have long LOTR discussions and kinky fantasies of parts (he, he, he!) of the fellowship. You know what I mean I need to stop now cause then they'll be reading this for too long to even think about reading the story! I want to also thank my other friend Heather for wanting to read my stuff and for making me laugh enough to forget some of the angst in my stories! To everyone who archives/reviews my fics! I'm soo grateful for all you've done! Of course I need to thank Joss and his crew of talented writers, producers, directors, actors, and special behind the scenes guys! Thank you guys so much for the 2 best TV shows ever in existence! Really wanna thank James Marsters for being my snowman! (Don't worry if you don't get that! It's a seriously disturbing inside joke!) I love James! Good luck in everything that you do. And I really wanna thank you for reading my fic! Especially if you read through all this nonsense and bonus points if you actually pondered the snowman thing! (Seriously just let it go! It'll drive you insane and your head will explode! Yuck!) Lot's of luvs! Enjoy! Mwahhh!

Here we stand

Worlds apart, hearts broken in two

Sleepless nights

Losing ground

I'm reachin' for you

"Taking a late night drive, sweetheart?" He questions as she tries to sneak into her own house.

"Jeremy I…"

"You what?" He demands grabbing her wrist.

"I didn't think you'd be back so soon.' She timidly answers.

"And I didn't know you'd be out whoring around all night with your demon friends." Jeremy accuses.

"I, it's not like that."

"Why don't you tell me what it's like then." He spits, dragging her into the kitchen.

"Night mate." Spike says, finally turning in for the night

He's not tired. That three hours he got back in Sunnyhell is enough to keep him going for awhile longer. He's anxious to see what is waiting for him in the box he nicked from Angel's office. He takes the key from his front pocket, closes the door, and grabs the box from underneath his bed. The key clicks the box open and he flips the top up.

Inside are two small cigar boxes and a book.

"Peaches' diary!" He laughs naughtily to himself. He flips past the first ever so boring 34 pages until a word catches his attention.

Feb. 21st 2003

Buffy arrived in town today. She didn't come to me. She didn't try to contact me at all.

I followed her to an apartment on Fedamore Dr. At least it's in a good part of town. I know she knew I was there, but she didn't say anything. She still hasn't given up patrols.

I guess it's not in her to stop fighting.

Yours,

Angel

He wanted to know more about Buffy. He skims the pages until the name appears again in thick black ink.

Feelin' that it's gone

Can change your mind

If we can't go on

To survive the tide that love divides

"Angel needed to talk to me about something, a prophecy. He thought it might have something to do with me, but it must be for Faith." She pleads.

His hand falls across her jaw with a thud so loud that it echoes off the walls.

"Don't lie to me bitch! How many times did you fuck him!" He overturns a chair in his path.

"You know he can't…he wouldn't. He'd lose his soul, he'd kill everyone that I love, everyone I care anything about." She's almost at the brink of tears now. She's lost so much over the years and now she fears that her husband might leave her too. They always do.

"And that's what you want, isn't it! Me and our children. You want us gone, dead. So you can play the pity card with the powers that be. Maybe they'll give you your strength back so you can kill the monster! Then you can go out any old time you want to and bang your undead groupies! Your freaks. I know he's back! It won't be long and you'll be sneaking out to see him too. I know you're still in love with him." He screams at her, almost shattering her eardrums with his berating.

"He means nothing to me Jer, I love you!" She begs him to understand, hands clasped around his pant leg like a child stubbornly trying to get a piggyback ride.

"You love my money!" He kicks her, hard, sending her tumbling backwards over the misplaced chair.

The cold metal digs into her back and blood flows in gushes from her nose.

"Only you Jerry, only ever you." She shakes her head, wiping the blood with the backside of her arm like it is nothing. "We could be living on the streets and all I'd ever want is you, baby."

March 3rd, 2004

Conner came back from patrol and I could swear I could smell Buffy on him. When I asked him he denied it, but I know he must have been around her because then he asked me why I hadn't tried to talk to Buffy if I knew that she was in town. I told him the truth. If she wants to talk with me then she will. Buffy doesn't want to talk to me then she won't appreciate me paying her a visit. New cases have been pouring in lately. Wesley thinks it's because…"

'Sod that' Spike thinks out loud as Angel goes on about some stupid shit he cares nothing about. Finally, after flipping a few pages he finds another name that strikes immense feeling inside him.

March 16th, 2004

Dawn. That's what Conner smells like. He sneaks out to see her every night. I've watched them talk to each other for hours on end. Apparently falling for a member of the Summers family is hereditary. I finally got the nerve to talk to Buffy. Apparently Dawn's midnight rendezvous haven't went unnoticed by her either. We talked for awhile about old times and about what we were doing now. She's changed somehow. There seems to be a great deal of sadness in her eyes that I'd never seen before. I just can't seems to control myself when I'm around her. She scares me sometimes. I'm afraid that I'm just going to lose it and make love to her right there. I've missed her so much.

The 'I really wanna kill Angel' mode that Spike was in pretty much everyday was going into overload. How dare he talk about her that way. And want to do those things to her. She was his Buffy. The only thing was she wasn't his anymore nor had she ever been. And he'd done far worse things to her than Angel had imagined.

The boy watches as his mother pleads for forgiveness for some sin that she hasn't even committed. He watches the tears well up in her hazel eyes as she begs like a starving dog on the street. Begs to be hurt just a little bit more, to be screamed at louder, and to be punished more severely for her non existent crimes. He hates this God that she worships and the law that she yields herself to. He watches her God raise his arm back with all his might and glory to smite the wicked sinner in front of him.

"Leave her alone, daddy!" He bravely stands in front of his mother.

Someday love will find you

Break those chains that bind you

One night will remind you

How we touched

And went our separate ways

If he ever hurts you

True love won't desert you

"Move out of the way Jonathan!' His father warns him.

"I'm not gonna let you hurt my mommy!" The seven year old declares taking his mother by the hand.

"Jonathan, honey, mommy's fine. Now do as your father tells you and go on back to bed. I'll bring you some milk." She caresses his shoulder.

"Why mommy?" He shakes his head and looks up into her misty eyes.

"It'll help you sleep silly." She smiles down at him like the world is perfect and she hasn't just been beaten down by the man who supposedly loves her.

"No, why do you let him do those things to you? We'll take Jessica and we'll just go away where he can never find us! I'll help. I promise. Can't we just leave mommy?" He says in one big breath.

"Go to bed now!" Jerry bellows.

"But.."

His father's fisted hand strikes him across the chest before he can make any further protests.

It hurts, but he doesn't cry. He's taken blows like this before, but never in front of his mother. When he and his father were alone and he'd been told that he'd been bad, he'd always cried for his mother. But now there was no one left to cry to but God, and he was sure that he wasn't listening. Even if he were to cry to her he's sure she'd say something like 'Mind your father Jonathan'. So what was the use.

He feels a smack across his face and then feels the coppery blood from his nose drip onto his tongue. His chest is still hurting too much to worry about his face. It's hard to breathe and the world feels like it's spinning out of control.

"Mommy?" His timid voice whimpers after all before his tiny body hit's the linoleum with a thud.

July 19th, 2004

He's been seeing her every night for months now. He's been lying to me every night. Well tonight he's gone to far, and no amount of lying will get him out of it. They think that they can get away with anything.

He slept with her tonight. I thought he was smarter than that, but I guess I'm supposed to be the dumb one in this situation.

You know I still love you

Though we touched and went

Our separate ways

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" She questions, shocked for some reason at his behavior.

She'd noticed bruises on her children before, but she had always found some way it hadn't been Jerry's fault. They were just clumsy and she was just in denial. Now that it was happening right here before her eyes she could deny it no longer and an ancient fire seemed to spark within her.

"I'm the father. It's my job to discipline these kids before they grow up to be spoiled little brats like you!" Jerry explains himself.

"Jonathan? Jonathan! Oh god baby, wake-up!" She worriedly shakes her son, hoping for some sign of life.

July 20th, 2004

They hate us. We were going to confront them and sit down and have, like, I don't know… the talk or something, and they just ran off. Of course we know where they are. It was made pretty difficult to track them given all of Conner's experience, but we finally found them. Buffy really just wanted to bust down the door and take Dawn home. Somehow I stopped her. Doing something like that would only make them hate us more. I see a lot of us in them. I don't know if they really love each other, but I believe that they think they do. Which is more than enough to fight all the armies of hell twice to save.

"Leave him alone Anne. He's fine." Her husband commands.

"No! Look at your son. I can't do this anymore. I want out. I want a div.."

Soon she is lying just as lifelessly on the floor beside her little boy.

Jerry casually walks toward the bathroom to wash the foreign blood from his hands and face. He abandons them both on the kitchen floor to change out of his stuffy and now stained suit.

He returns to the kitchen and shoves his son aside so he can fully open the fridge to get a beer or two.

On his way to the bedroom his slams the nursery door shut hoping that the thick oak will muffle his daughter's cries. Maybe he'll be able to watch some television in fucking peace.

Troubled times

Caught between confusion and pain

Distant eyes

Promises we made in vain

December 17th, 2004

Something terrible has happened. Rupert Giles has been killed. He was on a retreat to South America when someone had him murdered. I'm gonna find out who. I owe it to him for all I put him through. Buffy is having a hard time with it. Giles was like a father to her. She's staying here tonight along with Dawn and Conner. I'm sure in the morning she will be vengeful so I have to work quickly tonight if I want to find out by then. Buffy doesn't need to be worrying herself over this. It's not her fault, though she's sure it's some ploy to bring her to his killer.

The little girl's crying has now subsided. She's given up hope of anyone coming to her. She snuggles her favorite plush piggy that her mama gave her and closes her blue eyes. Her father grabs his briefcase from the sofa and departs in the pre-dawn hours caring nothing about the lives he's left in shambles.

August 4th, 2005

I give up. Everything is wrong. Quentin Travers ordered the hit on Giles. He even had some help from our good buddies from Wolfram & Hart. There was a battle. We won, but we lost more than we could have ever imagined.

Conner has gone. He left after Dawn was killed, after Buffy lost all of her strength, first inside then out, and after we were powerless to stop any of it or to say more than why. Why, why must we always suffer when we're always on the side of good. Always fighting the good fight. What kind of world is that. Maybe I should be suffering. I deserve it, but why Buffy? Hasn't she been through enough?

The Sunnydale gang have arrived in town to go to the funeral as soon as the autopsy is finished and to comfort Buffy, but their leader has fallen. She has no fight left in her. Everything she that was good in her life has been torn away piece by piece. Her mother, her Watcher and now her sister have all been taken from her. She is alone. She won't let me comfort her. For some reason I think she blames me. She blames me because she doesn't have the heart to put the blame on my son or her sister. After all Dawn wouldn't have gotten captured if she hadn't been trying to save my son. And I know Conner feels the same. He probably resembles his father more than ever tonight. It is no one's fault really. But in times of grief we must blame someone, and I will bear that cross for Buffy and no one else.

Her jaw is swollen and probably black and blue. She remembers the feel and longs for her old healing powers. But she tries hard to forget those days and to forget the people that have caused her so much grief.

Jonathan is heating up some oatmeal for his little sister who he has on hip. He carefully places her into her high chair. There's still dry blood coating the edges of his lips and some remaining on his clothes.

"C'mon Jonathan. We're leaving." She says, hardening her face.

"But I just got her breakfast ready."

"I'll pick us up something on the way. Remember when you said you'd help mommy?"

The boy nods enthusiastically.

"Well this is your chance." She challenges him, picking her daughter up out of the high chair.

"Where are we going mommy?"

"To someplace he can never find us." She explains.

If you must go, I wish you love

You'll never walk alone

Take care my love

Miss you love

March 5th, 2005

Tonight I lost Conner. Dawn's autopsy revealed that she was pregnant with their child. With my grandson. It drove him mad. He's gone forever. He's not my son anymore. Nothing of the joy I saw in his eyes before when he was with Dawn exists. There is only hatred there and self loathing. My son is gone, and only a monster remains in his place.

And for some reason I want to blame Buffy, but I can't. I can't believe he's gone, but he is. That thing is not my son, but I don't have the power nor the will to destroy it.

Spike reads the page over a few times taking in the tear smudged ink. He adds a few smudges when he thinks of what might have been, but ultimately would never be.

Dawnie and her child, gone. Wasted. His Slayer left powerless and alone. His sire devastated. And where was he? He was in Africa being too busy being a coward to help them.

Someday love will find you

Break those chains that bind you

One night will remind you

How we touched

And went our separate ways

If he ever hurts you

True love won't desert you

He flips to the very last entry.

June 25th , 2008

She got married today. They're expecting a child soon. She wears a mask of overwhelming love for this guy, but somehow I think that's all it is, a mask. Something's not right about him. I can feel it. She won't listen to me. She's shut me out. Like she'll soon shut everyone who's left out. She's trying to abandon her old life and we are too much a part and reminder of it. She's even changed her name back to Anne. She says that's what Jerry (Her newfound husband) calls her and she'd rather be called that than anything else. Sometimes she is so selfish it makes me sick. I wish she'd of stayed in Sunnydale forever. Stayed away from me and my son . But she didn't and now we're all suffering for it. Sometimes I really start to hate her.

You know I still love you

Though we touched and went

Our separate ways

End

Continued in Chapter 8 of _Good Enough "Time After Time"_


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